Knock Knock. Who's there?
Drama. Drama who? Drama Queen alert – brace yourself!
Knock Knock. Who's There?
A little old lady. A little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel!!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
Dad, when he puts the car in reverse:
“Ah, this takes me back.”
Why did the old man fall down the hole?
He couldn’t see that well.
A woman passed out on the merry-go-round.
She’s coming around.
What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
Philipe Fallop.
The average person walks the equivalent of five times around the world in their lifetime. 🌍🚶
That’s over 216 million steps.
Cows have best friends and get stressed when separated. 🐄💔
Bovine bonding is real—and measurable.
The longest hiccup spree lasted 68 years.
Charles Osborne hiccupped from 1922 to 1990.
A day on Venus is longer than its year.
It rotates so slowly that its year (orbit) finishes first.
I've had bad experiences with elevators
So it’s time to take steps to avoid them.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired.
What's a baker's favorite thing to wear?
Loafers.
Male bees die after mating.
That’s basically their life. Honey. Nut. Cheerio!
I asked my wife if I am the only one she has ever been with.
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for.
So far no one has given me a straight answer.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
He said no.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
I was going to tell you a joke about time travel
But you didn’t like it.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
What’s worse than two girls running with scissors?
Two girls scissoring with the runs.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
I started crying when Dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good hamster.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost
and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
I lost 25% of my roof last night...
oof.
BNAG!
That’s bang out of order…
My dream job is to clean mirrors...
Because I can really see myself doing that.
I hate my job — all I do is crush cans all day.
It’s soda pressing.
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance
So I pushed her over.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity...
I’m finding it impossible to put down.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
